I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
