Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My vagina just clenched in fear
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
