After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
