so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
