What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
