2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
