I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
