whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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