She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize