He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
