He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize