Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
