some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize