my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
