she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize