OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
