I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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