The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
