I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
