This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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