Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize