I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
