I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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