Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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