I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
