He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
