if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
