I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
