He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize