I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
