But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i drank out of a bidet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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