now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
