11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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