I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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