she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
