oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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