Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You took a bar mat shot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
