My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
