You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
