i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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