I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
