and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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