Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
