nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
