she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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