so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
