I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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