It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
