I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
