i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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