Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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