I can text with my tongue
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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