We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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