so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
