need another drink. this is the easiest way
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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