I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
