New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
