he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
