The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
