Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
