HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
