Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so let's talk penis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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