i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
