she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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