Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
