i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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