just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
