We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize