i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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