he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So many bounce houses so little time
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize