then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
