ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
