And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
