I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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