i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize