I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
