Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
