So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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