this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
