it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
