were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
