): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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