i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
