I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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