i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
