so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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