Yo dont text me then not text me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i've created a new STD.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize