Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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