Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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