Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
