I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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