What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize