You're so nebulous sometimes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
