When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
