The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize