I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
