How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
