just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fill condoms, not promises.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
