I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
