I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
