using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're too hungover to prance.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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